Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed..

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 06:31:56 GMT

Hm. I just want everyone to know that I want to change my journal again. I hate doing this but this, like many of the others, was turned into a drama journal. It's whatever. It's now going to be lmaharidge.. How original, no? It'll be friend's only soon enough but for now, it isn't.. Everyone who is on my list now is added so whenever you guys have time and if you want to, add me back. thanks and sorry about all of this.

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 20:47:49 GMT

My sister was rushed to the emergency room around noon. She's still not back and I just want to know what happened. [EDIT] They're keeping her for a few more hours to run tests. [EDIT] (again) She has a Kidney Stone.

While I was waiting, I was surfing the internet and came across a few things. Joe, the guy I use to date, said something that was really mean. I responded to it. I don't deal with stupid people anymore. I guess he's chillin' with Marilee or dating her. I don't know. I honestly don't care but it would explain why I was removed from her list.

The baby boy was fussy all day. I don't know if it's his Colic or what. I think the connection that a mother to her child has can cause either one to feel sympathy pains for the other. Maybe? Maybe not, but it would make a bit of sense.

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 07:45:56 GMT

I've been busy the last couple of days. With my nephew having Colic, it's hard for him to sleep at night. My sister has been up so it's even worse when we try to rock him to sleep. It's all good. It'll all be over in 2 months or so.

This is my favorite picture of her and Anthony

I noticed I haven't updated in a while. Nothing much really has happened. Jason and I basically patched things up. I just want to know where he's coming from with a few things but I'm kind of afraid to IM him because I keep bring up the subject. Like it should stay in the past and I should basically forgive and forget but I just.. can't. I don't understand.

I guess Marilee added me to her list and then removed me again. I didn't mean to sound so harsh to her but I told her to fuck off. I don't want to try to be friends with someone who doesn't what anything to do with me. I mean, I am sorry for sounding harsh but I did need to get that out.

Enough about that. I applied at a few placed that I know are hiring or will be soon. Then my dad and I drove around. I went on the highway which wasn't bad. Tomorrow, we're hopefully going to be going to the DMV to see how I do with parallel parking and such. I was good at it 3 years ago so I hope things didn't change.

This girl I use to go to school with, Regina, is beefing with my sister. I don't know why she is. I remember her from high school and I never saw her try to be like that with me. I should go up there on Monday and see if she's actually for real about this whole, "I'm a bad ass." thing. Just for shits and giggles. Besides, I honestly don't care what happens since I don't go to that school anymore.

Anywho, I just hope I get a job. Two would be nice. I don't need the money but I do need to spend my time doing something but for now, my pillow is looking for some comfort.

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 07:47:21 GMT

After I loaded my game, I shoved heavy snow/ice with my mom. I swear, she needs to stop doing so much or she'll end up with another hurnia (something she doesn't need)..

Anthony is the same adorable little guy.

I sleep more than ever. Lack of exercise, I think.

PMS.. Gah.

Bedtime.

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 21:43:13 GMT

I have my game.. w00t!

Now to play.. but for now, I have to shovel for the big snow storm tonight/tomorrow.

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 07:13:43 GMT

My sister was getting some mean shit posted in her journal about two weeks or so ago. It wasn't that bad when they talked about my sister but then they started talking about the puddin' pop:

and..

My sister teases me with these pictures and more. It's NOT cool because then I miss the little poofer toofer whenever I'm away from home.

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 07:13:05 GMT

I was going through all the stuff in my room and I came across a shoe box of stuff from 3-5 years ago. 3-4 completely filled out journals, notes (from MariLee, Kate, and Steph), a card that Johnathan Phillips gave me for Valentine's day back in 2000 in mint condition, ticket stubs, e tc. It took Melanie and me 4 to 5 hours to read through it all. I think it's something I wouldn't mind keeping. I also thought, "Does John still hate me for something that happened 5 years ago?" If he does then I pity him a bit.

I gotta go up to the school on Monday. I found this bracelet that Hope said she left at my house. It's for the AIDs thing or something. I'm too tired to think.

I don't know.

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 02:07:11 GMT

I finally got around to cleaning up and organizing my room. I thought I would never get to it. I'm not done though and I still have a shit load more to do.

Melanie is staying again. I'm glad she's around. I kind of needed it.

I don't want to be around anyone else.

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 05:14:19 GMT

I just got back from seeing The Boogieman with Mel and Steph. Fucked up movie.

And yes, I do realize that it came out a few weeks ago but there was nothing better to see and I'm glad we did see it.

Melanie is staying the night. Check ya later.

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 22:34:54 GMT

Horoscope for February 24th, 2005: Still thinking they're out to get you? Well, stop it. Circumstances will show that you were wrong. You may need to do something you don't like much -- apologize -- but once you get the words out, you'll both feel better.

It makes sense but I'm actually not wrong. Unless I'm thinking of something else..

Hmmmm..

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 18:57:18 GMT

I completely forgot to add this to my last entry: My mommy bought me The Fifth Element Ultimate Endition DVD. I wish I could of bought it myself just to feel it tingle in my hands as I hand it to the cashier but my mom told me she felt it. And yes, I realize this was said to make me happy.

But I did feel it's power as I was opening it a few minutes ago. After I'm done playing the Sims 2 (which the expansion is coming out next week!), this DVD is going to be the light of my life for a few hours.

Stephanie called me on her break. We're going to try to hang out tomorrow.. Lol, by the way. Hehe, you know what I mean girlly.

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 17:02:04 GMT

I stayed at Hope's house last night and straightened her hair. She has wild curly hair and to get it super straight with no frizz is pretty good.

Some people need to learn who they are messing with when they open their mouth. Some person is trying to fuck with my sister but is actually fuckin' with my nephew. Either or, that person is just asking for their life in my hands.

The snow woman is still standing.

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 16:42:35 GMT

My mom is pissed. I guess Bally's is still saying I have an account or a trial membership after 2 months of it being canceling. They charged my bank account that only had like $5 in it (I don't like banks) 3 times. I ended up with only a -$55 balance until the bank account was canceled, then it was $45 that we owed. I guess you have to send something through the mail to Bally's saying that you want it canceled within 3 days of the trial membership. Well, my mom sent it over night express (certified which is $10) and they said they never got it.

This is the weirdest way to think but if you do sign up for a trial and you don't use it 12 times, they automatically think you want a membership for one reason or another and charge your account (and yes, they have to have your bank account number) $320 depending on your Bally's plan (I had the lowest plan possible).

First thing is first: NEVER sign up for Bally's, period. They will screw you in the ass if you try to cancel it.

My mom is going to the government on this. Not sure exactly what she's going to say and to what department but it's whatever. All I have to do is put on my credit report that I'm not responsible for any money that was charged to me or something like that. Besides, I shouldn't be getting calls from them 2 months after everything was done. They screwed my cousin and now they're trying to screw me.

[EDIT] HAHA! My mom told me to put it on my credit that I was a victim to identity theft. Since I don't have the contract and I did lose my wallet a little bit beforehand.

Okay, now that my rant is done: My nephew weighted in at the doctors last week to be 7.6lb and today, he weighted in at 8.5lb. He is just a pig but he needs to chub up.

Lol, Melanie came over and we built a snow-woman. Good times, good times:

Haha, I'm not posting the one of myself.

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 03:34:58 GMT

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (A realistic one).

WHEN YOU'RE DONE:
Don't cheat.

1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow - you are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
3. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If you were born in:
Jan - Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April - June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July - Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.
Oct - Dec: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.
5. If you chose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.
8. If you chose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.
9. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and to your love. And you arevery reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in your journal within one hour, and it will come true before your next birthday.

Now I'm watching Family Guy.

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 05:58:06 GMT

I wonder when everything is going to be okay..

I'm not too down. It just sucks that a bunch of crap is hitting me all at the same time. At least some good things happened:

1. Larese is getting married.
2. My nephew is finally here//Baby-showers
3. Someone I haven't talked to in a long while apologized to me out of blue, which was weird.
4. Gained a new friend.

Out of the bad:

1. Lost 5 friendships in the past two months.
2. Stupid divorce shit. Which causes my dad to be completely distant.
3. Lost a friend to cancer.
4. Had a few sucky holidays.
5. Can't find a job.
6. Can't go to college for a while (I've been wanting to go back to school for over 2 years now).
7. Started having these commitment issues spring to life.
8. Had disappointment from my mom shot at me.

I don't know. Things will get better. I don't know if any of that sounds like it's worth being upset over but.. I don't want sympathy at all. I just don't know what to do right now.

I'm going to call Amanda tomorrow some time.

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 23:37:00 GMT

I'm only posting this because it shocked the hell out of me:

Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 21:50:28 GMT

*20 minutes earlier*
First, I was going to write about how my dad stole my welding job but when I tried to post it, I forgot to set my computer clock (whenever the computer is turned off, the time doesn't continue) so instead of getting up, I decided to go to my AIM friend's list to get the time but everyone is away. 83/103 people are on and all away. How sad..

Lesson learned: If you want something done, be lazy.

*5 minutes later*

Lastest result: I got up and looked at the time.

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 19:11:18 GMT

Nothing has been going on. Besides me going to 'wing' my driving test, like I did my GED test (I scored 2,450 out of 2,850 which is awesome.. Science is not my subject). My dad is going to take me out today, then tomorrow. I'm going to schedule my test after that and then drive until then. Besides, you really don't learn how to drive until after you have your license. That's how it is with everyone I know of.

My poofer toofer is so cute. I remember a few days ago, he was laying with my sister and me on the bed and he kept hitting my sister. I thought my sister said, "He pinched me!" I followed that with, "You don't do that to your mommy. She should do that to you." Turns out she said, "He punched me." We had a good laugh. Especially when the poofer toofer started punching me. He's just so adorable.

Tiffany brought Lil' Joshie over yesterday because they were going to show off their babies at Meijer. Lil' Joshie isn't so little anymore. He's three months old but looks like he's six months old. He's still cute.

Ugh. Baby talk. Melanie is staying over tonight. I still need to clean my room and get rid of all the liquor I have still. Damnit.

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 07:19:40 GMT

I couldn't sleep so I was trying to see what the problem was with my headset microphone. I'm not sure how to word this but the wire to my microphone had unlinked from the chip I found in the volume control. It would be easier to fix if the wire was broken but of course everything is going to be harder for me.

Would welding it work?

[EDIT]
3:05 AM

sheer

What's your aura like? (Great pics, many results!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 18:31:59 GMT

I slept way too long. 10 hours. I set my alarm for 11 AM after waking up at 8 AM. Damn me. Isis didn't wake me up either. All she did was lay with me. Damn cat. Now I'm groggy and sore. Lol, life goes on.

I'm at Rod's place right now. He had to work this morning and then again at 6 PM. I was suppose to go to Melanie's but SCREW THAT! Lol, naw. I think she's coming over to see the baby! He's so precious. My sister has better pictures than I do: My sister and her son!

Aww.

My throat hurts. I better not be getting sick. I mean, who can stay away from that face? Gotta go!

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 02:44:52 GMT

I need to start getting on track. I seriously need to get a job or two, my license (which I haven't gone out driving in a while but Hope thinks I'm a good driver), then retake that stupid GED test. Hopefully I get the results back in time for the fall so I don't have to wait to take classes until 2006.

Ugh, this sucks.

I also think Rod is mad at me. It's whenever he reads this thing. I'm beginning not to care about that, though. It's his choice to read this and if he doesn't like what I have to say (the bluntness of my words, any way) and basically who I am in general, then he can walk. Seems like that's all people want to do when it comes to me so I'm use to it, I guess.

Other than my sulking, I've started to workout in my room. I have some of the stuff my family had stored away (Boxing stuff, a step, weights, e tc.) and have been using it. I guess my parents didn't get rid of the Y membership so I'm going up there tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll get to walk there if it's not raining.

I'm thinking about going for a run in the rain.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 19:50:40 GMT

I cannot stand ungrateful people and people who give just to receive. She (not giving names but she knows who she is) complains about the stupidest shit and is all depressed because she has to bad when there are people with real problems.

*pauses entry for a phone-call*

That was Nia. I haven't seen her in a while. She was in the Cleveland Clinic for a detox because she was dumb enough to get hooked on drugs (and yes, I told her this). She has real problems. People starving in other countries have problems. Children who get raped, abused, and/or neglected.. People who are treated like this, too. Babies in dumpsters, raising a kid who is mentally disabled, e tc. Those are problems. What she has (and I mean me as well) only have issues and those are nothing to be depressed over.

Ugh.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 03:19:48 GMT

My parents like to fight on 'holidays' or whatever you want to call this. Christmas, New Years, V-day.. What's next? Geez.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 02:23:10 GMT

No Valentine.. W00t.

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 01:37:04 GMT

Ugh! I should just forget this 'chapter' of my life and move on.